Suicide attempts by loved ones suffering from the cruelty of mental illness have been a devastating part of my life since I was 16 years old. That does something to your ability to process and respond outside of your own trauma. Today, I gave God as much as I could give of that pain and […]
It’s A Start
I’m always downgrading myself, my pain, my wisdom, my experience, my need, my value. You name it, and I’ll tell you it’s no big deal. Only, right now, life doesn’t feel like no big deal. It is heavy and bloated and sinking within my chest, and without check. I suppose this is what God is […]
It’s a day off for me, which is rare these days. If I’m not at work, I’m usually catching up around the house, running errands, or pricing items to resell. I’m in over my head, most likely, but we’re really trying to make this adventure work for us…without killing my love of all things days-gone-by, […]
I thought I’d be dead by now. Something in me just couldn’t imagine lasting beyond 36. I’ve always been weird, what can I say. Now that I’m 44, I can’t imagine squeezing everything in by the end of it all. I make it to 83 in my imaginings, now. Life has a way of changing […]
Seasons. I don’t know that I like that word a whole lot these days. There’s too much promise and reasonable expectations attached to it. And repetition. At least when we’re slinging it about in regard to segments of our lives. It’s all hindsight poetic ish, or midst of hardship hooey to make us feel better […]
Wait, Am I the Moon?
I remember nights under starlit skies, peering through the perfect-shade-of-red telescope my mom had gotten me for Valentine’s day. Those craters I’d stare at hold a different sort of wonder for me now. I suppose I’d never pieced together the terror in the beauty of it all. Pelted by time and space, displayed to some […]